Can Men Really Hide Behind That Goatee?
Posted May 14, 2010on:
Beatrice: I am beginning to wonder about the men who normally have no facial hair but suddenly start sporting some and how they may have some underlying issue going on. Maybe going through an internal crisis, cheating on their spouse, or really something that makes me want to question it. I have witnessed this in our neighborhood and a few guys on my team at work. All of them are seriously changing, and of course I want to analyze it.
Lila: Men and facial hair is like women and hair on their head. They get bored and need a change. I know I get bored with my hair so I cut it. So many things define us and you are probably right, we go through some sort of internal strife and need that change. I don’t think they are cheating per se, but it is some sort of change that is needed. Growing facial hair or cutting your hair is a lot better than running off with someone half your age.
B: Oh, I don’t think we can compare it to women cutting their hair. I think it is a direct result of something more. Women and their hair is a constant battle, whereas men do not look at their hair and such in the same way. I was just asking this guy who has facial hair and it has appeared there all of a sudden. I said, “What is with the goatee? Does your wife approve?” He laughed and said that he and his wife had an argument about the facial hair just last night because she hates it, so he stated all the more reason to keep it going. I told him that doesn’t seem right to do it out of spite, and must be a bigger issue going on. He just smirked.
L: I think men and facial hair is no big deal. I don’t like it and just like I know many men who don’t like women with short hair, but it’s all the same. Hair is one of those things that you can sort of control. Just because men do not talk about their aesthetics, doesn’t mean they don’t care. As women, we have all these hair salons because we are vain and vocal. Well, men are getting there as well. That’s why there are all these places that cater to just men and their appearance. There are places where men can get an old fashion razor knife shave. It’s because men have come to realize that their looks matter and they liked to be pampered, like women.
As for that guy, I don’t think it was respectful of his wife to tell him he cannot grow a goatee. Would she like it if he told her she could not cut her hair? That’s lame. At the same time, I don’t think it is healthy to do anything out of spite.
B: I don’t see it as them growing hair on their face to be vain. I am talking about the men that don’t generally care about their day to day looks; they have one look and stick with it, and then out of no where they change. This is something my friends talk about all the time. “Watch for any changes in his looks. If he grows facial hair and is taking care of looking good. Something is going on.” This does not apply to those men who switch it up and it is a common thing. I think this is where his wife was going with it as well.
L: I am not saying growing facial hair is their step to be vain. I think people making a big deal about it is a double standard. Why is okay for women to care about their looks and all of a sudden men care and it is because he is cheating on her or something like that? Maybe they have always cared, but had no avenue to step out. What if they got bored one day and wanted a change? I do. I would hate to have the same thing every day and one day, I change a little something and everybody makes a big deal about it. It makes people nervous to make a change. What if the guy who has been growing a porno-moustache for three decades decides to shave it off? Maybe he is just trying to be current. Maybe he is going through something. Maybe he just needs a change.
B: Don’t agree that they do it for a change because they are bored. Okay, lets use Toolman for example. This guy cares about how he looks, but not to the extent I do. It is normal for women to care and make changes, that is expected of us. But if Toolman all of a sudden started growing a goatee, I would wonder about it. For one, he had a goatee when we started dating, but shaved it off when I told him I like clean-cut looks on him better. He sometimes doesn’t shave for a few days, and it is only because he is being lazy. I can tell the difference. But if he decided to get his goatee back, I would start to worry something is off, and then I would have to investigate. I guess for him it would be like me suddenly wearing a lot of short skirts and revealing shirts. LOL.
L: I think we are really arguing the same thing. Men grow facial hair because they want a change. Whether this change is because they are bored or whether they are up to something, who knows? But when women jump to conclusions and assume they are up to something shady, they are pulling a “chick move. “
Now I am interested…ask Toolman and that guy what would make them change their appearance like that? I’ll ask Oliver.
B: Toolman agrees with me, and said that he knows of two guys that worked with him that are notorious cheaters and they were always changing their appearances with facial hair. He said it was a topic of discussion out on the field. I called him a while ago to ask him this very thing and he started laughing because he said that he thinks men think they can hide behind the beard, mustache, or goatee this way.
L: There is no doubt that some men change their looks because they are hiding something shady. But I don’t think most men do it because of this. I think they are hiding a blemish or something having to do with their appearances. I asked Oliver and he agreed with me. (And I did not tell him where we stood.) He said men do it for appearances, which has to do with their sex appeal, but it’s not because they are cheating or planning to cheat.
B: But I don’t think it is all about cheating, it can be about a midlife crisis. So I still stand by my theory.
L: And I think it’s no big deal. There’s no real malice or shadiness behind it for most men.
B: I think it is a tell-tale sign for sure. Okay, all of a sudden there is hair on face. Is there other things changing? If it is just facial hair, let it go. If not, then there is more.