2gabbygals's Blog

Pre-Marital Co-Habitation Suggested

Posted on: May 22, 2010

Beatrice:     Husband and kids went to my parents, so I have been watching junk tv. I was watching “True Life” on MTV, about two couples who get married then move in together and it was awkward. Both women moved in with the husband, and one girl moved from VA to IN, and was extremely home sick. This same couple who now live in IN sat down to discuss their financial picture after the fact. I couldn’t help to think it may be better to live together and discuss the finances before marriage. That is how we did it, and once we added the ring and signed to finalize the marriage it was just icing to our cake, but these couples appeared to be strangers after the wedding ceremony and honeymoon was over. Their reality was not as they pictured it.

Lila:     Well as a person who has done it both ways, I suggest most couple to not move in together until they are sure they are going to get married if that is what they want. I lived with a guy for 5 years and we talked about getting married. He never did it because he did not feel it was right. It did teach me a lot about love and real life, but I wanted so much to get married. In the end, I realized he was never going to buy the cow when he can get the milk for free. 

The second time around, I gave Oliver all the space he needed. The truth is I needed it as well. I did not want to live together until we were engaged. At that point, it gave us a whole year to really get to know each other and our habits before taking the plunge. It worked out, obviously.

B:     We were engaged as well, and discussed all serious issues that are common with potential divorce down the road. We discussed money, parenting, how many children we want, stay at home mom or working, etc.
L:     I think living together is definitely positive. It’s like test driving a car. You better be sure because it is a big commitment.
B:     That is what I am thinking. To watch these two couples on television made me wonder if they are still married now or what the likelihood they will be divorced in the next few years. They were so awkward, but they appeared too young as well.
L:     I was going to say, age and maturity has a lot to do with the success of a relationship. What kind of couple wants to air their new relationship on TV? MTV picks the most dysfunctional people because it makes or good television, so these guys are doomed to fail.
B:     So true! I have two cousins that got married in their early 20’s and both marriages lasted one year and was done. I think theirs was an age issue and just overall immaturity. I know I was completely different as a young 20-year-old compared to my late 20’s, and now as a 35-year-old, I am even more different. Women tend to change much more frequently whereas I don’t believe men hit that change until mid-life.
L:     Yup. I totally see that. Women have so many things to deal with that it takes time and many mistakes to realize what we want and need. Men, on the other hand, tend to be more go-with-the-flow people. I know I would have had a divorce on my resume if I had married my ex in my mid 20’s.
B:     Yep, me to!

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