Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
Lila: You know I truly believe that you do not have to get marry and settle down. I think the institution of marriage is really a joke these days because people don’t respect the sanctity of marriage. I do, however, believe that it is our natural instinct to find a mate or a life partner. But have you ever wonder why some very beautiful women are not involved with someone? I know you might say, ” Well they are focused on their careers.” Maybe, but I am talking about girls who aren’t. I have a ton of girlfriends who are not involved with anyone, nor have they been recently involved with anyone, and their career lives are mediocre at best. Why is that? Even the girls from Sex and the City settled down at some point. Why are my girlfriends alone?
Beatrice: I have a couple of really good-looking friends that haven’t settled down and not much of a career either. As far as my friends go, they are really immature and have never been good in relationships. One of my friends in particular, is a pretty big drinker. She will get the guy and they will go out on their first date, and usually he never calls for a second. I often tell her she is misunderstood because she is a wonderful person and a great soul, but just very immature. She also tends to be a know it all, for instance she is a realtor but if the guy is a doctor she will tell him how she would be a better doctor than him. She is hilarious, but I have known her since a child. Once again she has a really messed up childhood. Her father committed suicide and she was the one who found him. Her mom never got her treatment. Her mom remarried several times and big time jerks.
L: Sounds like your friends are sabotaging their own relationships because of whatever reasons. I have at least a dozen girlfriends who are not involved with anyone and don’t seem to want a life partner. My girlfriend, Arlene, is a good example. You’ve met her at my wedding. Gorgeous and super sweet. She is charming and yet she has not found someone serious to be with. She does not drink heavily. She comes from a stable household. She has had a couple of committed relationships in the past, so commitment is not an issue. She lives in San Francisco so the dating pool is very decent. Yet she is alone. Weird, right?
B: Do you ever wonder if these girls may be gay? I have two friends who are a total catches and have zero interest in getting into a relationship, and the men they date are total zeros! It is as if they seek out the men who will amount to nothing. I have watched them and wonder if maybe they are gay.
L: I have, but I have a pretty good gay-dar and it says no. I have one who I suspected all along and she did turn out gay. I don’t know what it is. I think they are so happy alone and hanging out with their girls that they see no need to settle down. I would think it gets old.
B: Who knows, I am sure there are so many reasons behind it. My cousin is a perfect example of beautiful, early 30’s, but no man and she wants to be married with kids. Her situation is that she picks the losers and wastes her time with them. She is definitely into men, but can’t figure out her life.
Beatrice: Finally there is a name to the men that shadow a girl or a group of girls – Moodle. You see these men around but I have never had a word to use to describe them. You know the type. The guy who goes everywhere with a female or a group of girls, but there is no relationship and as far as the women are concerned and there will never be a possibility of a romantic relationship. I can think of a few guys that fit this picture, but one that you are familiar with, Mark. These men are not gay, and they think there may possibly be a love connection with one of the women. Who knows? I heard the name “Moodle” as a male poodle that accompany women most places they go. This topic was briefly discussed on the radio today. Why do you think these men who are considered Moodles do what they do?
Lila: I think some men feel more comfortable with women. Maybe because they are mama’s boys. Maybe they hope there is a chance because it has happened it the past. The truth is these guys have a crush on one of the girls and there is no doubt about it.
B: I agree that they are there for a reason, but I always found these boys odd. I always find myself somewhat uncomfortable around moodles and can’t help but feel sorry for them. Probably most women feel the same way, and if men knew this than those who play this role would probably grow a pair of you know what and stop.
L: I don’t know about that. I think it is nice to have a guy around because they usually bring balance to the conversation. I get really irritated with girls some times. I think we girls make things so complicated so I like to hear what a guy has to say. My BFF always hung out with girls, but he later came out of the closet. As for Mark and other guys who have hung out with the girls, they pick and choose their outings. They don’t go shopping with us, but they do go to lunch with us. I don’t get creeped out at all. For Marl, I also think he is so used to hanging out with his sister and he’s comfortable with us. I like my moodle and I am going to keep him.
B: I brought up Moodles because it immediately made me think of you. As long as I have known you, you have had a moodle. Your gay friend does not count as a moodle, according to the definition. Anyway, I do not find a guy in the mingle something I want. I know if I think I am going on a girl outing and a guy tags along, I feel I a little put off by it. That is just me, I like my female only time, because it is far and few these days.
L: I love girl time and that means no-guys-please. But in general, I do prefer mixed companies.
B: I like a mixture too, but not girl day/night with one random dude. Get a clue and go figure yourself out is what my mind tells me. Ha ha.
L: I know the incident you are referring to and to his defense, it was not supposed to be an all girls thing. As you recall, Renee brought her boyfriend and there was another guy who was supposed to go, but since they were all on the same team, the manager did not approve the time off request. Mark was going to back out, but we talked him into going. I think it is unfair to consider him as someone who does not have balls to get a clue. He understood everything. We made him come along. He may be someone who likes to hang out with girls, but he never does girly stuff. I think that is the case for most “moodles.”
B: Oh wow, you are talking about the movie? I was not thinking of this incident at all but now I will think about it. I called out Mark because every time I see him, he is in a group of all girls and the lonesome guy. I was thinking of several situations in my life that this has happened, but when I heard the name “moodle”, I thought of you because I know how many guy friends you have.
L: Oh!!!! He is my avid Lost buddy. That one time you saw us, we were going to lunch to fill Mary in on what was going on in the show. They were all coming over to my house to watch the finale and we did not want Mary to interrupt us during the show.
I do have a lot of guy friends. I think it is because I don’t have a lot of girl friends. They are usually gay males though.
B: I have a couple of gay male friends and sometimes they are easier to confide in than a girl, however they can be just as caddy.
Read the article here: Boyfriend’s Affadavit
Lila: What is wrong with these people? First of all, this is an 18-year-old having a sexual relationship with a 12-year-old. She’s not even a teenager yet and the pervert is attracted to this girl. Sicko. And then the sicko’s mom?!!! Who kicks their children out so you can live with your new boyfriend? A registered sex offender no less. This is so tragic because now the 12-year-old is dead. But what is wrong with these people? Don’t they see how dysfunctional it is to behave this way.
Beatrice: I read about this earlier. There are some secrets in her family?? Why did it take this long to get out, and I wonder if the mother of Kayleah came forward with all this while she was looking for her daughter? How can a 12-year-old have a boyfriend and he is 18?? Glad he is in jail!
L: I know! That is so disgusting. This kid should have been questioned a long time ago. I know he has not been found guilty of killing her, but WTF? That is so messed up. The mother should be charged for neglect because she should have done something about the relationship when she found out last December.
B: I think there is something way more to the story that isn’t being told. He isn’t even considered a suspect, which makes me wonder if someone in her home is?? If you had knowledge that your daughter was having relations at the age of 12, then you shouldn’t let her walk to a party by herself. I would be questioning everywhere she is going and doing!!!
Lila: Oh, how was Toolman’s on Friday interview?
Beatrice: He had 3 interviews last week, all with different companies. One was in CO, but the other two out-of-state. The one in Colorado is no good. There will probably be an offer but Toolman has no interest. He went to the interview up in Ft. Collins and the guy showed up 15 minutes late and was wearing shorts and cutoff sleeved shirt. He was very unprofessional and went on about how he was brought in from San Diego a couple of years ago to turn the company around, which is a red flag. They are a smaller firm, but do big business. Toolman said his gut said to stay away. He is really interested in the other two companies and basically would land his dream job if offered either of the two. Fingers are crossed.
Later that night….
Toolman received a job offer today from the place in Ft. Collins and doesn’t know what to do since he is hoping for the other two to come through. It is a pay increase and we would still be in CO. He did some calling around to find out about the reputation of this firm and has heard nothing but stellar reviews, so I think he should take it and still position himself to see if the other ones offer him something he can’t refuse. The guy wants him to start this week. Can you believe it? 8 weeks without a job and he didn’t thoroughly enjoy it. Now he is having to go back to work. Well that is if he accepts the offer. I will be a little upset if he doesn’t. The guy wanted to know his answer by tonight and is worried Toolman will take something else, so he knows he has the ball in his court and can renegotiate. Good day!
L: Well that is awesome news!!! He should definitely renegotiate and bring up the fact that he will have to make that awfully long commute. I think that is a valid point. They need to increase the salary or give him a company car. I thought he had a bad feeling about this company? Congratulations to Toolman!!
B: He did have a bad feeling, but what is funny is the comments came after he spoke to several guys he use to work with. However immediately after the interview, he told me all kinds of good things, so I don’t know if he was influenced by his ex-co-workers. What is funny is after he got the offer, he immediately called several people who are entrepreneurs that he has known for years in around Ft. Collins and all of them had nothing but great things to say about this firm. All general contracting firms get rated too, and the ratings are top of the line, so I think he has reconsidered. He still wants to keep looking at all his options with the San Antonio and Virginia outfit, so time will tell. His severance hasn’t run out yet and he feels great!
L: But it sounds like these people want an answer soon. I would definitely negotiate for a higher salary and stall. I am still a little confused but at least it is a great sign he has an offer on the table.
B: He is negotiating his salary and knows that this operations manager expects it. I told him to take it and to keep his search going to see if that dream job comes about. The idea of moving to another state was rather intriguing, but who knows. It still may happen. The guy wants an answer tomorrow, but Toolman is going to tell him he wants the offer in writing and a breakdown of his benefits and to give him 24 hours to think it over. He is going to tell him he can’t start until Monday as we are taking the kids camping. Everything will work out, just may not be as quickly as he likes. “He” being Toolman.
L: Sounds great for you guys. See, everything will work out. If you are looking to move, what would you do in the mean time?
B: Take it as it comes. Opportunity knocks and looking forward to the adventure of where we end up.
Beatrice: Last night I had the run of the mill of bad dreams. I think yesterday really messed with my mind, with regards to the guy who sits near me and him being so badly beaten. I had dreams that my children were in danger and that we attended a funeral for a child. I kept waking up and trying to get it out of my head, but would go right back to sleep with another bad dream. I think, too, because I was talking to Toolman about the incident and then about how he is sick of not having a job . So all these bad thoughts right before bedtime is not a good thing. I was also thinking about how I need to spend more quality time with the kids vs. what I am doing now. Ugg, I wonder if all dreams have a meaning or if it is your deep thoughts of fear at work.
Lila: I think dreams are a summary of your day and it helps you process through the thoughts and events. It is important to dream because it is an avenue to get your feelings and frustrations out.
I think you had a horrible day. Seeing that guy who was severely injured in a fight was too much for you. I, also, think you are going through a rough patch. Sucks, but I know everything will be alright because I can feel that a good change is coming. I got a lot of good, settling news yesterday and today will be a great day. Just tell yourself that.
B: I do tell myself that everyday, but then today I was on the bus sitting in front of two men, who I heard talk the Thursday before this week about jobs and the openings they have. Crazy enough they work in Toolman’s industry. I went home that week and told Toolman about the conversation and he said he would not want to work at this company in question. I don’t blame him because the guys were really negative and spewed a bunch of crap at the same time. So today they are on the bus talking about the amount of resumes they have received for various positions. Two of the positions they were talking about Toolman does not do nor want to do, however they were also talking about one position that he is qualified for. They stated that they received 150 applications.which made me feel discouraged, but won’t be telling Toolman about this. He hasn’t done too much this week with regards to looking for a job, and last night was feeling guilty about it.
L: The truth is we may be out of a recession, but things will not change until the market gets a lot better. Confidence will be up. People will want to buy big-ticket items. For now, everyone is feeling discouraged. You are not alone. What about the idea of starting his own company? Do some consulting work until something more permanent comes along.
B: He has thought of all those, it is just a matter of doing it. He has now been off 7 weeks, and has lots of good leads, a few interviews, but still waiting to get something. He just needs to be more aggressive. The good thing that has come out of this is the amount of time he has spent with the kids. You can see they enjoy him being home and they tend to ask him things more than they use to. I told him last night to enjoy it while he can, since he will never get this time back. 🙂
The work neighbor came back to work today, and the swelling has gone done a lot, but still really messed up. He told me he is more angry than anything and that he would like to find out who did it. I was a little baffled at this and he said he should have never been out that late. He was up to something.
L: What? If he is angry, why didn’t he report it? Now they will never be able to catch the culprits.
B: He supposedly contacted the police yesterday, who told him they could do nothing about it since he didn’t have a description. I find this hard to believe.
L: Lies, lies, lies.
B: Wish I was a fly on the wall during this episode.
Lila: Looks like another one bites the dust. Al and Tipper Gore are going to separate after 40 years. After 40 years, why would you go through the formality of divorcing? They claimed to have grown apart, so go ahead and just live separate lives. What are they going to do now? Start dating again? Can you imagine starting all over again in your 60’s? I would just suck it up and live the rest of my life quietly. I understand they are in the public eye so anything they do will be scrutinized, therefore they have no choice to make it official. But Warren Buffett is in the public eye and he never divorced his wife. He just left her alone and spent time with his real lady-love.
I remember when I was working at the bank, a lady came in for advice because she was in her late 50’s and was having to start all over again. Her husband decided, on the eve of his retirement, that he did not want to retire with her. He was going to divorce her and remarry his long-time mistress, who was his secretary. Can you imagine that? OMG!!!! She had devoted her whole life to him and their family and then he decided to end everything when they were on the last leg of their trip of life. I was shocked. Why didn’t he just continue with the charade? She knew what was going on. She said she would have preferred that over the humiliation that she had to face every day. So sad.
Beatrice: I don’t know that I agree only because I watch my parents who are both in their early 60’s and are actually very active, traveling all over the world, taking classes, watching their grandkids and spending a lot of quality time with other 60 year olds. They are all having the time of their lives being retired. I wouldn’t want to damper it with a failed relationships, especially one where you have to live with the person you are no longer in love with. That would be horrible. I would rather be by myself than pretending in a marriage.
Unfortunately, I think divorce is on the rise for those going into retirement because the couple does not want the same things in their life. There are also a lot of couples who only stay married for the sake of their children and once the children are gone they have to deal with each other and well that just won’t work.
L: Yes, but your parents are happy and enjoy each other’s company. I am not saying they have to live together. I think it would be better to be upfront with the family and say that there will be a different arrangement. They can live apart and get together during major family events. Why go through the hassle of getting a divorce, splitting your assets, etc. There are major consequences for that action. Just move out and live separate lives. That way, the couple are not staying together for the sake of children.
My friend, Mike, has parents that are very unusual. His parents are separated and have been for decades. They live apart, they have separate lives, date other people, and only come together at major functions. His father is one of the best divorce attorneys in town. Can you believe that? Anyway, he knows the consequences of a divorce and believes it is better to just stay together.
I think my feelings are embedded in the thought that you don’t need to get married unless you are planning to have children and raise a family. At the same time, you don’t have to get married just because you are expecting unless it is something that was planned all along. Two mistakes don’t make a right. On the flip side, you don’t need to get a divorce after being together for sooooo long if you are not planning to remarry and start, again. Of course there is one caveat, the relationship you are currently in is not dysfunctional or abusive in any way.
B: It seems that you have thought a lot into this topic. I have not. I can see your side of the issue and the side that people want to be completely removed from their past and the way to do this is to completely separate, i.e. divorce. Mike’s father is smart because he has a lot to lose in order of divorce, however the wife has a lot to gain. Many people who are 50 and older don’t consider it too late to start again, and they may want to remarry and in order to do this you can’t stay married.
L: I have thought a lot about it because I have spent a lot of time alone and able to just watch relationships flourish or in some cases, diminish.
I have read that most divorces are initiated by women. Maybe you are on to something. Most women have more to gain from divorces and that’s why they want the complete, clean break. As women become more and more of the main bread-winner, we’ll see less divorces.
B: I don’t think we will see less and less divorces, they appear to be on the rise. It may go down in percentage because fewer people will opt out of marriage. However I think people don’t see marriage the way it was 50 years ago. It is a sacred thing to me, however more and more view it as a nice thing to have. But if it doesn’t work out, then so be it; at least they gave it a shot. It is too easy to divorce and even know you are talking about the money side of things, that is not often an issue with most people. Most very well-to-do people have prenups, and then there is the not-so-well-to-do people who have nothing to begin with. The ones in between just split everything 50 / 50, and they know that going into the divorce so it is appealing to them.
L: I truly believe in the sanctity of marriage. I don’t think you can embark on it willy-nilly. It is a serious commitment, but it is not also a necessity to have in order to have a fulfilling life. Who knows what is going on these people’s head? I know several people who have wedded a few times and wonder to myself why do they keep trying? If it wasn’t working for them after the second marriage, why try it again? It makes no sense to me. I would just give up and say marriage is not for me. Maybe they should make it harder for people to get married.
B: I think that is the answer we need to make it harder to marry, not just pick on the gay community, but all of us.
L: Here here sista. We should make it harder for everyone. Make it such a pain in the a$$ that people don’t even want to bother unless they truly belive in it. Then the devoted will be the only ones that will get married.
B: I second that! It would just get in the way of the Constitution and then it would become a fight if it were to be done that way. Oh well, at least some of us believe in it for all the reasons it was put into existence in the first place.
L: According to this article, couples divorce after decades of being married because they are living longer so they don’t want to spend their golden years with someone they cannot stand and divorce is more acceptable. I guess that makes sense, but I am a practical girl. I would just move out.
Read the article here: Why call it quits after decades of marriage?
B: My parents are one of a lucky few, although my mom will say that my dad is often weird as he is aging. LOL.
Lila: I was at Starbucks this morning and I thought what an interesting place to watch people. I saw a couple of women gabbing about their evenings. I saw some very sleepy business people. I, also, saw a cute young couple. They must be newly dating because they were really affectionate. He was hugging her and holding her hand. He fed her a chocolate donut. So cute. Remember when you first started dating you honey and how sweet things were. Hmmmm….
Beatrice: I do remember those days. Toolman is still very much affectionate and touchy feely, but it is me who gets annoyed by it all. I guess once I had kids I got all my touchy feely with the kids who are a constant and sometimes you just want your space. We still hold hands out and about, and he has to touch me in public, but that is who he is, whereas I am not that affectionate of a person in general.
L: You’re not? I grew up in a family that was not affectionate, but I am with Oliver and especially with Thomas. Cannot stop kissing that little guy. My brother has become affectionate since he’s been with his wife. I guess we both changed even though our family weren’t.
I was driving and thinking about those days. It was one of those lovely mornings and I wished I could play hookie. We use to walk everywhere and take our time with everything. I miss those days. I need a vacation.
B: I am super affectionate with my kids, more so than my parents ever were with us and they are extremely affectionate little ones. I am not affectionate with my mate though, and never have felt really the need to be. Toolman is super affectionate and I just play along.
You will be on vacation in July right? We have a week off at the end of June for 4th of July in Breckenridge. My brother and his family will be joining us too. Cannot wait. We were planning on Mexico for October, but that will all depend on a few things.
L: I think I crave the affection. We got a huge sectional so we can both fit on it laying down. TMI?
Yup. I will be out during the first 2 weeks. I’ll be at the happiest place on earth…Hawaii.
B: Actually I think they discovered the happiest place on earth is Vienna Austria. Which by the way is one of my favorite places, of which I have visited. They have cobblestone drives. They shut down at lunch times and everyone goes home for two plus hours, even taking the kids out of school for family time. Shopping is amazing. The arts/music and buildings are to die for. They ride their bikes everywhere and are just so happy. Would love to take Toolman there some day. I know that HI was ranked high for the states, specifically Honolulu, which was surprising as it is a busy place. I need to go to HI, and I was just thinking about this on my way home from work yesterday.
L: I did not mean Hawaii per se. I actually am not fond of Honolulu. But our ranch on Kauai is the happiest place on earth for me. If these people could see it, they would concur it would make them happy. But they can’t, so it’s our family secret.
B: I think after traveling I have found many of those places. A lot of it comes down to who you shared your experience with as well.
L: That’s so true. It’s the happiest place for us because there were so many good memories.
B: I dated a guy who would travel the world, and typically do so alone. He would call me more times than I cared for. I remember telling him that it is great he travels, however he needs to do so with someone since it is hard to be excited about these new places by himself. That statement kind of bit me in the ass because he started booking me on all the trips with him. I got to go and that was fun, however he was not the best of company.
L: That’s not too bad. You could have said no if you did not really want to go.
Oliver and I alway say that one of the best things about having a life partner is now you have the chance to share experiences together, like going on vacations and exploring together. Awww… A new relationship is all about sharing and exploring.
B: No, he would buy the tickets and then tell me. I am sure you can figure out who I am talking about. There was this one time he bought a Mercedes and one of their offers is to purchase it in Germany. Once it was done being built, we would fly out there to pick the car up out of Stuggard’s Mercedes plant, and drive it through Germany and Austria. They told us mile by mile where to go to end up each night at the most amazing of bed and breakfasts. At the end of two weeks you say goodbye to the car and wait for it to be shipped back to the USA. I helped him pick out the car before it was done, so he thought he would surprise me and put my name on the car as joint owner. This allowed me to go on this trip. He made me drive the entire two weeks. Germany drivers are scary, and I was a wreck. I do however envision redoing this trip with my own car and Toolman. 🙂
L: I know who you are talking about. But you could have still said no. He did not threaten to hurt you or anything. You were just smitten by him. The things we would do when you think you are on love.
B: You can’t really say no when he pays for tickets in first class. There were 4 times that I had school and had no way out of it and chose not to go with him. He called me early on in my marriage to Toolman asking that I meet him at his office to sign over my tickets. I told him where to go. The tickets were years old and already no good, so he wasn’t trying to get me to do anything with the tickets if you no what I mean.
L: Stop talking or even thinking about him. You know he messes you up. He was the past and he has made you a better person because you have learned from the mistakes. Let it go, otherwise you are going to have nightmares tonight. I did not bring up this topic to discuss him. I wanted you to focus on the positives in your life. He is toxic. No more!!! Sorry to has to be mean, but I hate knowing you get worked up over this fool.
B: Oh I won’t have nightmares and after I confronted him several months ago, I had my closure and peace.